Sit On The Patio

We are trying to get ready. There are all of the regular things that have to happen in a day like sleep, treatments, aerosols, cooking, eating, laundry, etc. and then there is the checklist for what needs to happen before the event. A lot has been checked off and today we did a little bit more. Anna needs to pack a bag ready to go to the hospital. The transplant program gave her a list of what she should bring. Having been to the hospital for numerous, numerous long hospital stays already, she has a "CF" bag packed, but now this will be a transplant bag. There are a few new things needed. So, we went to Target and found the perfect things, comfy jammie things with openings in the front so the incision sutures can be cared for and a few other odds and ends.

Still need to complete the Advance Directive (what to do if things go wrong and who makes medical decisions) and have it notarized. Anna is finishing up her instructions on her medications and where and how....... and then we need to finish our phone tree and email list for notifying people. Hope to get that done this week too.

And then there is the very important task of having our heads screwed on before the call. Mine is definitely not........... after treatment this afternoon I took the garbage and recycles out while Anna laid down for a nap before dinner. I closed the door, marched with trash to the bins outside and returned to a locked door. Oh my god! I did not have the heart to wake her so, I sat on the patio, and I sat on the patio, and I sat on the patio. I did have my phone in my pocket. It will never leave my body after we get the call that she is finally listed. Thank goodness it was with me today. I called, she slept, I called, she slept. Then I called again, she went for the phone as I waved in the window.......... could not stop laughing......... guess I learned my lesson about checking the door lock before I close it. Dinner was a bit late tonight.

But did I learn another lesson that I need to learn? Having the door closed when I wanted to enter and not having the key with me to let my self in requires a type of letting go. I had to wait. I had to wait until the time when someone, Anna, would waken and open the door for me. What was I to do? I could get mad, I could fidget, I could run away, I could pound on the door, I could scream, I could do a lot of things. I chose to sit and enjoy the patio and I did. But, I did decide when it was time for this little adventure to end. I did decide that it was time and did the calling, trying to cause Anna to wake up. I tried to have some control in the matter. But, guess what, when we are waiting for "the call" I won't be able to use my trusty cell phone or email or knock on the door to urge the door to be opened. I will have to let it be opened when "it" is determined that "it" is time. How am I going to respond to that? I think I will go a little crazy. If it goes on too long according to my timing I think I will go a lot crazy. So, I better learn this lesson and end my suffering.

Sit on the patio. You just have to sit on the patio. There is nothing else to do but to sit on the patio and when it is time, and not the time on my watch, the door will open. This is Zen practice. Don't we all need to learn to "sit on the patio"............

Meanwhile when are they going to finally call?????? When is she going to be finally listed???? This waiting to wait is driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!

Oh Yeah, SIT ON THE PATIO and Breathe..........