It Is Such A Journey

Yesterday Sara woke up here in the apartment saying, "I kept waking up last night because I was dreaming over and over that Anna had her transplant and she was taking big breaths saying, I can breathe." Wow, Sara.

I was dreaming too. In my long dream there was an evil force trying to take over. It appeared in the form of an odd person or being with bad intentions. When his scheme did not work another aspect came into the dream to try to thwart me in another way. I did not run away. I was aware of the threat and felt scared. I dealt with the force by asking probing questions and diverting its energy. I became curious about the manifestation of the evil force and was trying to learn about it. This seemed to keep it at bay.

Don't run away from fear and anxiety. Become curious. This is a teaching that takes practice. This experience is giving us all a lot of practice. Running away is not an option. Being curious is helping us all to find new places of strength within ourselves. What ever happens, what ever the outcome we will use this time to learn and grow. It is the only palatable option.

One of Anna's favorite sayings as a kid and teen was, "Don't Let Your Fears Get In The Way Of Your Dreams." She had a tee shirt with this saying blazoned on it. Sometimes it is not just fear that can get in the way of your dreams. There is also, physical reality. We can have a dream to "live forever" but that won't happen. We can also have a dream that Anna will wake up breathing deeply. Well, the forces of nature that will create that opportunity are at our mercy. At least it seems so, but we are not letting our fears get in the way of doing everything in our power to make that happen. And that includes, thinking deliberately about the direction we wish this story to go, and doing all the physical necessities to work with the physical world. That is what I know to do.

I know too that others use these times to go deep into prayer. Prayer too is a deliberate thought. Prayer is based on faith. I believe faith is a trust, whether it is a trust in a specific religious form of God that you know to be true in your heart, or a trust in a letting go to the basic goodness inherent in the web of life. Not letting fear get in the way means that you have faith and you trust, because you can not know the outcome of anything. We can hope, we can do all we can, but we must wait and let the mercy of life act out its story.

We have a specific miracle "on order". We are relying on our deliberate intentions, faith, trust, hard, hard work, and the Stanford Transplant Team for this miracle of new lungs to come to Anna. But when you really think of it, all the forces necessary to make this happen are bigger and wider than we can ever see. The web of necessary interactions and circumstances is truly grander than we can even imagine. It has a flavor of the divine. That is why transplant is truly a miracle to those who are recipients. A miracle is a happening that occurs beyond our understanding.

I believe that there is so much more that we do not know in the universe of our minds and hearts. Being curious and deliberate with our mind and heart with a faith and trust is how we steer into this unknown. Every human being must confront the mystery of this life with all of its challenges. We all must find a way to understand, find meaning and live fully to fulfill our own unique purpose. It is such a journey. We welcome all of your heartfelt prayers of faith and deliberate intentions into our life at this time. You are all a part of this mystery and the miracle that this life truly is.