My Turn, Me First.......

So, I wrote last night in my latest post about baptismal waters being our challenges and how we need to dive in. I am promptly writing another post this afternoon. Here I go head first, arms above with hands pointed towards the water's waiting crust. Today I discovered that tomorrow I am to have surgery! Oh my. Why did I say that we grow from all of this? Why can't I have a little denial for just a little while?

It was June 24th that I first posted about my instantly swollen knee. It still is. It is bothering me. It feels thick and unbendable and it is a fat knee, not a pretty knee. I never really appreciated my knees until now. I want a pretty knee back again. Today I learned how I can have it back.

But I must describe the full drama of the day. I left at 6:30AM to be sure that I could move through traffic and get to an orthopedist appointment by 8AM. After about 20 minutes on the road as I traveled through the inland valley of open spaces and golden hills I noticed that something was missing. I could not believe that I forgot my cell phone. Unbelievable! What a mother! Just when Anna is on the list and the call could come at anytime and we all agreed to be poised with our trusty cell phones at our side. Mine was still on the kitchen counter. What a %#$&?!##? I am. "Ok, breathe. That is always the answer to stress. Now, how do you feel? Like a stupid mother!"

I arrived at the Stanford Clinic building and as I entered the elevator and the door closed to take me to the second floor, I noticed a handy button. It was called HELP. Wow, a HELP button. We all need one of those especially in times like these. The elevator safely delivered me and I checked in to the sports medicine clinic and called home. "Hi. Guess what? I forgot my phone. If there is a call for the OR call me here." At least they could track me down while I sat phoneless in the clinic room with my fat knee on display. The doctor appeared and in his wisdom informed me that the way to a pretty knee is surgery. "Oh, wait a minute. My life is a bit complicated at this time." I told him about Anna and waiting for a double lung transplant and the unknowingness of my life. He firmly let me know that putting this on hold until months had passed and Anna was through her surgery was not a good idea for my dear old knee.

Well then, what to do? "I can do it tomorrow. I will be here doing a surgery for a 49er tomorrow." Whoa, tomorrow? I thought it through and it made sense. Here I have a three day window where Anna will still be at Retreat until Sunday eve. I have to be on crutches for three days and can not drive for three days. Perfect. I guess another serendipitous occasion. I signed up for tomorrow.

I immediately had my pre-op appointment, signed the official surgery permission form and now I prepare for surgery tomorrow. I'm first. Anna will have to wait. It would be just too crazy if Anna received the call while I was down for the count tomorrow. That would be too weird and actually not a great manifestation so, lets scratch that possibility and opt for a more opportune time after I get through this initial time of healing and Anna gets home from Retreat. Do you hear us universe? Don't want to be too picky but can you give us a little break here?

Be careful for what you wish for. If you wish for life to give you lessons about meaning, it might do that. If you wish for a lesson in compassion, it might give you that. If you wish for a prettier knee then it might offer you surgery! If you realize that you are not fully in your body, that you need to get out of your head and incorporate deeper into your physical being to be grounded (as I have) then you may be offered a physical experience. The positive part of this is that I will also need physical therapy. So long as I can get there and it does not interfere in Anna's care that will be good for me. I will get to have a "trainer" and do exercises that I need to do and have not had the discipline for. I am looking forward to that. I will take care of this knee.

But this crisis is all with perspective. When telling Anna she nobly offered, "Mom, I can go off of the list for a week so that you can get better first." Her mom cried, "Are you kidding? You think I am going to be preventing you from being able to receive lungs? Never. I will be fine. You are staying on the list!" What a wimpy surgery I am having, a little knee cleaning up compared to the major lung replacement. I am glad I have less than 24 hours to ruminate on it though. I am very glad that I will get it over with. I have never had a surgery before. Guess I needed to be in the spot light too. Who knows what this is really about, but I do know who is the stronger and the most courageous. It sure ain't me. It's my daughter.

As for me, I wish I could have one of those HELP buttons to carry around so that when ever I needed it I could just give it a little push, like right now!