Lama Gangha Nummy Nums.........

Day number 21, waiting for the call for Anna's double lung transplant.

Today Anna received a letter from a dear friend of mine.

Dear Anna,

You may not remember me, but I've known you since you were a very little girl. Today I'm thinking of your efforts to obtain a lung transplant and am sending you my hopes and very best wishes that your health insurance decides to cover it. You're on the prayer list at our Buddhist meditation center, so know that the community has you in their hearts and minds.

Enclosed are spiritual Dharma medicine pills, a few large, many small, that I've received from very high lamas called Rinpoches You can take them any way you wish - one or more at a time, chewed or not chewed, just as long as your mind is focused on love and compassion for yourself and the world, with the idea that all who are sick may be healed or, if you want to be more specific, that all who suffer from CF find a cure that liberates them from their illness. Be sure to include yourself in these thoughts.

With fond regards, Judith

In other words, Anna received some Lama Gangha nummy nums by mail. Yes, that is a lead into a story I must tell.

Anna was diagnosed with CF at 18 months old in a very dramatic way. She lay critically ill in ICU for 5 weeks on a ventilator. When she came home we had to learn how to care for her to regain her strength and how to battle and live with this disease. It was not only Anna that needed to recover from the traumatic time spent in ICU, it was also me and Doug. It was a grueling and very difficult time. It was a time when I felt that I had passed through a dark night of the soul. I was not interested in anything spiritual any more. All I cared about were the medical procedures, drugs and machines that kept Anna alive. I did not know if I would ever have a lighter, more spiritual side to myself again.

Before I had Anna I was a spiritual seeker. I devoured many books about mysticism and when I entered my masters program in East West Psychology at the California Institute of Integral Studies in San Francisco I was introduced to Buddhism. This became my path. I was able to design my master's program so that I could have experience with Buddhist practice as well as learn about other eastern religions and western psychology. I completed my course work just before Anna was born. Before she became so critically ill and diagnosed with CF I had begun my master's thesis research on American Buddhist families and discovered a small Tibetan Buddhist meditation center in Los Altos Hills.

During our period of recovery I received a phone call from the woman who oversaw the Buddhist center that was only a few miles from where we lived. She had heard from my mom about Anna's illness and diagnosis and called to ask, "There is a very wonderful Lama here now. Would it be alright if he said prayers for Anna and your family?" My starving spiritual soul immediately responded, "Oh, yes, thank you. And could we come to meet him?" The next day Anna and I went to meet a man who would become very important in our lives, Lama Gangha.

Not long after we met Lama Gangha we discovered that he shared the same birthday as Anna but was born 50 years prior, July 13, 1931 in Tibet. He escaped from Tibet during the Chinese occupation but not before he spent 12 years in solitary meditation practice. He was a very humble and kind man who missed his Tibet so much. He did not speak English so we used a few common words and sign language to communicate.

For weeks I brought Anna to see Lama Gangha at least twice per week. He did traditional healing pujas (rituals) for her while she sat in my lap. I could feel my empty vessel begin to fill back up with positive and hopeful energy and Anna seemed to always be up for the visit and ritual. Lama Gangha would do a laying on of hands healing along with the Tibetan prayers, and he would offer Anna herbs. These herbs came in the shape of little dark colored pills like the ones that Judith sent to Anna. We gave them the name "Lama Gangha nummy nums". Anna loved them and always treated the offering with a reserved respect and finished the healing time with a large hug for Lama Gangha. As time continued to pass we both grew stronger.

It was at this time that I also received another important and life changing gift. In the years before Anna was born, as I studied eastern spiritual teachers, I became enamored with Sathya Sai Baba in India. I had my own personal, quiet conversations with him. In these conversations I would ask that he magically manifest vibhuti (Hindu sacred ash) for me and place it next to my bedside so that I would know that magic exists in this world. Well, this never happened, no vibhuti by the bedside. It was just my little, funny, personal request of him. He is still known today as a powerful spiritual teacher who has siddhis (extraordinary powers) and performs miraculous things to happen on a regular basis. A little vibhuti for me seemed not much to ask for at that time.

One day at the Tibetan center following a session with Lama Gangha, Barbara, the center director told me of a visit to India. I asked, "When you went to India did you ever see Sai Baba?" Barbara looked deeply into my eyes. She must have seen my keen interest and said, "Oh yes. I saw Sai Baba. And, wait, I have something." Barbara abruptly left the room walking to the back of the house. She returned with a small package. "I have been keeping this for about 10 years now. I knew it was for someone. It is for you." Taken aback I opened my hand to receive a piece of paper that had been folded in a special way to hold a precious cargo. "What is it?" Barbara told me of being at Sai Baba's spiritual center and being present for dharshan, when a teacher comes out to be with his admirers and students. Just being in the presence of such high teachers is an honor and healing experience. Barbara recounted the moment when Sai Baba walked up to her and magically manifested ash and placed vibhuti in her hand. She knew it was to be kept as a gift for someone, someday, who would come into her life. And that someone was me.

Deep breath........ Sai Baba heard my silly request and at my darkest hour, when my soul was wounded through the trials of a sick child, he gave me this gift in such a mysterious way. Amazing. Too good to be true. Instantly my faith in goodness and light and miraculous events returned to my being. It is a gift that has stayed with me and sustains me when things are rough and tough. There must be another reality beyond this dense physical realm where high beings and evolved souls do dwell and listen to our hearts.

The last time that Anna was in the hospital in May I was quite scared by how sick she was becoming. She was very vulnerable. I remembered that I had kept a few Lama Gangha nummy nums after all of these years in my ritual belongings. I brought them to her. She immediately wanted to ingest them and their positive energy and she did, but she wanted to keep at least one for a day that she would need it the most, the day of her transplant. I have also been given other tiny pouches of vibhuti (not obtained in the same miraculous fashion as that from Barbara) from Sai Baba devotees over the years and included that in my gift to Anna that day. We decided to keep it for that special day as well.

Today I remembered that we want to keep these precious substances near by for the transplant event so I brought them with me to place in the "go to the hospital bag". And, today, more arrived from Judith. We are well supplied. I am feeling that serendipitous coming together of forces again with these corresponding happenings. It makes me wonder if the manifestation is near. Perhaps but we know that time is relative. For this time, now, thinking of these things and appreciating events of the past that have given us strength and hope helps us.

Lama Gangha continued to be in our lives for about 5 more years. He died in Tibet in 1988 just before Sara was born. We had some special time with him. It makes me smile remembering when we brought Lama Gangha to Anna's kindergarten class for the children to meet someone who came from such a far, far place. Anna was happy to introduce him to the class. In his ever loving sweetness he brought candies (another form of Lama Gangha nummy nums) to share with the children. I hope that some of them remember this kind man and how special it was to meet a Tibetan spiritual person of his humble yet enlightened stature. He is someone I will never forget and today feel that he is here comforting us yet again in this very critical time.