Listening For The Winter Sparrow

Day 38, awaiting the call for Anna's double lung transplant.

Waking up on yet another day "awaiting" I clicked on the file, "Fragments". This is a collection of poetry left behind by my mother. We found poems in baskets, in files and on notes stuck in books on shelves in her apartment. I was starving to know Mom better and devoured each hand written morsel with ravenous hunger. I spent hours copying them onto my wonderful MacBook. This collection of "Fragments", and her other journals of writing about time and thought, capture an inner mom that I can go to and still find tastes of.

October 1986 "We stumble along over the long road seeking to avoid the ruts and juts yearning for a path through a leafy glen that shields us from the false promise of spring from the heat and passion of summer, the cold winds of autumn and the winter freeze - yet on we go beloved, by a promise we wish to keep - winter sparrow sings along the way."

The wonderful wrap of warm mother arms in the morning with my coffee is the gift her words give to me. I am listening for the winter sparrow as he sings along the way. This is a journey of listening and listening deep.

The wonderful connection of close and dear family members who want to listen with us is such a treat at times. Family holds our history and knows some of the path we have traveled. They have listened before. And, we have listened to their steps upon a worn path too. Aunt Lenell, a great listener came to meet us today at Dinah's. She is such a sweet and caring one. Lenell is one year younger than Doug but she is his aunt. Her mother and my mother-in-law were pregnant together. Lenell in many ways is more like a sister to Doug. She is always kind and reaches out to Anna. It was great to spend time together, to listen together.

Even so, perhaps we have had enough of Dinah's. It is September now and that treat at poolside seems old and passe. The final push of summer heat is here, yet autumn is coming so we need a new place to land to listen for the winter sparrow brunch bird and what the next season will offer to us. The days are beginning to meld and look like each other. Change is needed.

Perhaps that is the stirring that Anna and I were feeling yesterday. It seemed that suddenly on September 1 the energy stopped. We took an assessment. OK, we may still have a long way to go so we need to shake things up a bit in order to not go stir crazy. Now, I understand it is the coming of a new season, the Fall that is begining to beckon to us. Not far away are the Autumn sounds of wind in the chimes, the new feeling in the air and the dimming of the sun's light. Ahh, now I see and hear with the listening ear and the gift of my mother's poem. We feel things changing. We will go with this. We will listen and find the changes in routine that we need.

Today is a special day for listening. Can you hear the Birthday song for Uncle Gary Modlin and Cousin Adam Topol? And tomorrow for Cousin Abby McCallum! Our hugs are sent to you......