Change Is Coming

Day 40, awaiting the call for Anna's double lung transplant.

I have spoken about listening. I have also written that there seems to be a recent shift in the energy around me and I am attributing it to the seasons changing. It is a feeling. Summer is when we are in full bloom, fully emerged with the power of the sun. The earth displays its fruits for the taking. Gardens are rich with bounty, trees are laden with fruit. People are out and about meeting, sharing, vacationing. I have been writing this summertime blog about very personal experiences in my life. Not only have I been sharing about the events leading up to Anna's transplant, but I have also offered deep inner musings. This has given me a way to connect to myself, my friends and family and a larger community.

The power of opening up and sharing all that I have has been so good for me. That is one of the rewards that comes from this creative experience of writing and sharing. This personal journey has also had another purpose, to educate about cystic fibrosis and what this disease is like to live with. I did not want to share this for sympathy but rather because CF is such a hidden disease in so many ways. When you do live with it and know its power you want others to understand what it is. Our family has experienced CF in its many facets. We know its destructive side, the side of chronic illness and loss. We also know its empowering side, the part that challenges and forces you to grow and learn. There is also the interpersonal side of the community of people with CF who need each other, understanding and camaraderie. The CF community is filled with some of the most wonderful people we have ever known.

I hope that with this blog and my willingness to be open, I have been able to enlighten readers as to what CF is. This will mean that when you meet someone else affected you will know more and can offer greater understanding. I also hope that by reading my, our, story you will connect on a larger scale to have more compassion for lung disease in general, and even larger than that, the lives of the chronically ill who struggle everyday. And of course, I hope that you are open to the miracle of transplant and the gift of organ donation.

Illness is a huge part of our human experience. In our society of preference for the young, healthy and beautiful, illness and disability is not easily embraced without a lot of aversion. No one wants illness for themselves or their loved ones but it is out there and the more we understand, the better we can cope. The less we fear it and accept it, the better off for everyone affected. Through sharing my personal thoughts about it all I hope you recognize that through assigning meaning, finding spiritual gifts and looking deeply into yourself, the disease, disability or hardship that has come into your life can be a force for growth rather than just destruction. At least that is what I have come to believe is possible.

As I said, the energy is changing. Fall is coming. It still is warm like summer but the autumn equinox is not far away, less than 20 days. During the Fall leaves turn color and are released to the ground. Life starts a path of dormancy leading to winter. People go inside and make soup and warm bread. I feel this pull to begin going inside, inside of my own personal space. This blog has been a tool for me to experience summer openness and now I sense that it is time to pull back. I am not sure yet what this means.