I Remember That Feeling

Day 64, awaiting the call for Anna's double lung transplant.


Twenty minutes on, twenty minutes off goes the ice, makes a lazy and busy day. One more day to laze around with ice on the cheek. Why not, the whole last few months have been about recovery from surgery and waiting for surgery. Anna stays strong and I keep going under the knife. Hope it is her turn soon and my turn ends.

As I was being stitched up yesterday I realized that I was in a familiar situation. The pulling and tugging of stitches on my face was like a deja vu. The images of being two years old entered my mind. I was playing "doctor" with my brothers upstairs. Big brother, the boss, told me, the little sister, to fill some glass bottles with water for the patient. I took a small box of bottles into the upstairs bathroom to discover for some reason that the sink was not working or I could not reach, I can not remember. So, the dutiful sister decided to take the task downstairs. I tripped. I crashed at the bottom of the staircase on a heater grate with broken bottles. In my mind I can still hear the wood kitchen chairs screeching across the floor as Mom and Dad ran to find me broken. My right upper lip was split up to my nose with blood gushing forth. It must have been quite a scene. I was rushed to the ER. I have never forgotten the image of the suturing and the scissors under my nose as I was stitched up. I have a life long scar that never forgot that day.

As Dr. Miller closed the incision from my skin cancer removal I told her this story. It is amazing how clear an image can stay with you for your whole life. The sounds, the feelings, are recorded for my retrieval whenever I wish. But, most of my life is a blur. It is those significant moments that are imprinted so clearly.

So, today we wait for another unforgettable experience, new lungs for Anna. That will be such a good memory. I know it will. We will think back to this time and all of the miraculous and serendipitous situations that supported us and pointed to a successful surgery. The day we are through with the recovery period and Anna is launched back into her life with full breath and energy to live the life of a 29 year old mature and wonderful woman will be such a happy day. We will see that this is all so worth it. So, we savor today knowing tomorrow will be another day to savor as well. We are so ready.