ART

Tuesday Anna started to notice the prednisone taper. She was feeling tired, a little lethargic and potentially grumpy. That is what can happen when you get off the miracle drug. Prednisone has saved Anna's life many times and has been an important part of her therapy through CF and now is vital in transplant. Prednisone is one of the key immuno suppressants that will keep her body from rejecting her new lungs. Eventually she will taper to 5 mg per day forever. So, the mood swings and changes will be part of the adjustments to this new life.

After a day of Stanford, again, and then pulmonary rehab at Sequoia where Anna teamed up with her buddy Steve to "workout" we ended the day with another plate of great food. We sure love to eat. As we chewed and talked I began thinking about what type of art project I might create when I "get my life back". Anna said, "You have not talked like that for a long time." I concurred and thought about when the last time was that I entered my creative world. Anna chimed in, "I know when the art stopped. The last day you worked on a project was the day I helped you set the rebar in the form to start a new sculpture." Once I thought about it I realized that she was right.

It has been about 2 1/2 years. A remarkable length of time since I have been able to really be in my studio and freely create. How could that much time have gone by? Now I remember. I set that rebar to begin a sculpture of a woman representing bounty, fullness and prosperity. It was to be one of my concrete series of mosaic women. It sits in my new studio in Livermore waiting for me to add the wire mesh, more rebar, concrete, and creativity. Perhaps the theme of abundance is more appropriate now after all I have gone through in the past 2 1/2 years.

I left the beginnings of the sculpture in my Palo Alto garage when I flew with Sara to Rome. We visited the magnificent city and Venice and then traveled to England. We had so much fun. I left her there for a quarter of study at a university. On my journey home I was in the Dallas airport when I called home to say I was on my way. It was then I was told Mom went by ambulance to the hospital. This is what greeted me. My mom was on her decline toward her exit. The next 8 months with Mom were so difficult. She had migraine headaches that destroyed any positive experience left for her at the end of her life. But, not only was I dealing with Mom, Doug's mom had lymphoma and was heading for her end of life struggle.

By December of 2008 both of our moms had suffered through months of disease and needed so much emotional support. Doug, me and Roxy drove to Reno to be with Renee and Doug's brother and wife to help her transition to her death. We were with her as she took her final breath. It was an honor to be able to be there for her. But it was true, at that time, it was only a part of the drama of our lives. The difficulties continued. Making space for art creation continued to be impossible.

In 2009 my Mom, my dear sweet mom had so much discomfort due to her headaches, and what I also diagnosed as "heartache". We visited the neurologist frequently and tried so many things that never worked to give her relief. In April of that year she fell at her doorway and broke her hip. I ran to be at her side and got there just as the emergency team was wheeling her toward the elevator. We met in the ER. I could see that this was it for her. She had found her long desired exit. Mom's hip surgery was successful but healing would require effort and determination to get well. She did not have that. She told my sister, Sue and I that she did not want to get well, she wanted to go. That was on a Wednesday morning. By Saturday at 6PM my mom left her pain and loneliness for my dad with her family around her. It was such a gift for her to allow us to comfort her and be with her as she passed.

That period of time also included my Sara being hospitalized twice. She is the healthy one but it was her turn. One of the hospitalizations was on Christmas eve and day, 2008 and the other was just as she was to begin her senior year and needed her appendix removed. Drama, drama, drama in our family. We all wondered when it would ever end. And it did not!. Of course next Anna began her decline and we decided it was time to move. You guessed it, any time for serious art making? No way.

So here we are and this blog has chronicled the drama of the past 6 months including my two surgeries, one on my knee and the little one on my face and of course, Anna's transplant. Will I ever do art again? I hope so. Last night we got out some art supplies. We don't have much with us here but I made a collage. Finally, some creating with images and color. It is of course a collage about the transplant. One thing that strikes me about it is that we have been through so much that has been so difficult, painful, sad and all of it but you do not see that in the collage. It is curious to me. Our life has not been all about all of that hard stuff. We also have had lots of fun and good, good times. So, I see hope in this image. I see spirit. I see family. I see new life. What a relief. Maybe the tide is turning............

Anna says to me this morning, "Mom we are in a new chapter now. I think it is time to change some things on your blog. We are moving on." Thanks Anna. I may do that.