Monday Night

Still day 14 post transplant...........

Trying to describe what it is like. While you know and say things are getting better there are all the intricacies that continue to pop up. There is a pic line clotting off so that the necessary blood for testing can not be retrieved until the TPA is used to dissolve the clot. Meanwhile is the annoyance that this intrusion will go on for another hour or two and the worry that if it is clotted off for good then you have to have another procedure to get another line put in. All while you are so vulnerable from it all and then needing a dialysis session taking 3 1/2 hours that becomes 5 hours because that line clotted off too. You wait for the docs to consult and make decisions while you ask questions after your mind has gone crazy with how this is going to be a major interference to you getting better. And before all of that your breathing exercises cause you to do the necessary coughing which brings up your breakfast and leads you to worry about your digestion and the leaks that now appear in your sutures. During this you are trying to process what has happened the past two weeks and all of the craziness when the massage therapist calls and you agree to a short massage that could be better if only you could get up out of the bed into a chair for shoulder massage but the dialysis restricts your movement so you can't. The social worker knocks at the door but you are asleep so can not visit with her about your concerns. Then while everyone is there and a dear friend has come to offer soup and support the pharmacist decides it is time to teach you about your meds you will go home with but you really can't listen to it all because it is just too much and you need to nod off. And the next on service surgeon you have never met comes to see your leaky sutures and introduces himself in the middle of the pharmacist's explanations whose phone then goes off so he excuses himself. As this is going on another friend important to see comes to the door way but there is so much chaos you can not even say hello. Meanwhile Mom and Dad are trying to process it all for you because your mind is not that clear yet and you are overwhelmed and so is everyone else............ and there was more, so much more and it is a blurr and how did two weeks of this crazy shit go by and we are still sane or partially sane and it is not over yet and who knows when it will be and it is all so crazy you can not believe it and you just want to.............................................!!!!!!!!! so, I came home and ate three pieces of toast with butter and raspberry jam, a frozen dinner and wine and chocolate and I am full and this world is nuts...........................