I have been trying to observe this experience closely. I am watching the thoughts and stories cross my mind about waiting. Sometimes people might say, well, if you just stop thinking about it, then it will happen. Do you really think so? and.... Do you really think that it is possible to not think about this all of the time?
There have been times when I "forgot" about it. Like in the movies when we were absorbed into the story, like when I day dream about "other things". And guess what? Yep, during those times, even though I did not think about it, Anna did not get her call. Makes me think, this has nothing to do with what ever we think or do. It is all about going for the ride. Part of the ride is the anxiety and wishing for it to end. Observe that. This mirror of the mind shows us how we think and process this type of situation.
We have seen ourselves watching our mind streams. It is funny some times how we have moments when we can not stand it any more and moments when it is OK. We have seen times when we have noticed emotions, joy and sadness, triumph and frustration. We have also watched ourselves entertain our minds with humor and the creation of funny connections and signs to fill the air with something to do to pass the time with a positive flair. It is all our minds and our thoughts. Meanwhile the world goes round and the intricate web that connects Anna with her donor can not be seen by us but is it influenced by our willingness? That is a big question.
When you stop to observe this mind stuff it does give you a moment to reflect on the awe inspiring process of it all. When you look at the stream of thoughts floating by you realize that is what they are, just a part of the stream, part of the river. So, we have a choice. We can flow or get entangled with the thoughts that flow along with us whether we want them there or not.
Connected to this are the wonderings about two friends of Anna's on the list. Last week Steve received his lungs with only two weeks of waiting. Hardly a flow on the river from our definition, but it was his flow. He had his transplant when it was karmically the right time for him and his donor. Then there is another friend of Anna's who has been on the list for 8 months. She had one dry run but no viable lungs for her. Last week at her clinic visit it turns out that her lungs have improved so much that she is taking a leave from the list. So interesting. It just has not been her time. Each person has their own story held with a mysterious wrapping. Both of these cases have given Anna more confidence that the process works and has its own justice. It is part of the unseen order that is in nature. It unfolds as it should. There is always spring, summer, fall and winter. There is a pattern, there is a web that we are a part of, collectively and individually. This is what makes life so interesting, intriguing, scary at times, and wonderous. This is what faith is, believing in the flow.......
So, new visualization, I am in a canoe, the water is flowing, the scenery is beautiful, autumn colors splash in the trees, a soft light fills the sky, all is well, we are just a tiny part of this amazing journey through our universe. Peace to my universe. Peace to your universe.
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