An Orchid Sits By Me, Smiling

Day 71, awaiting the call for Anna's double lung transplant, or New Lungs, New Breath, New Life and all with gratitude.....

An orchid sits by me...... tight blooms waiting to open. Is it a sign? Is the orchid smiling?

We are starting on week 11 of Anna's lung transplant wait. 10 weeks down, how many more to go? Doing our thing. Anna has moments that she does not feel well. Needing oxygen is no joke. I come and mother, pound on her back and chest, listen to the coughing, wash dishes, shop and cook. There are many others who have been waiting a lot longer. We have nothing to complain about, it just is, what it is...............

We think we know how our life should go or look like. Mine is not supposed to be like this for very long. It is OK with me for a while, but as I know about myself, I am very patient, up to a point. Yes, I am a very patient person, Mom always told me that. But then, there is this point. When does the point arrive? When I have had enough, not when the event is ready for me but when I am ready for the event. So, does this mean that I am patient? Or, does this mean that truly I am a very impatient and controlling person who seeks to manipulate and barter with the universe to make things go my way in my timing? Makes one think about themselves.

That is what this is about, patience and faith. Virtues. This is about virtues. I guess I have a lot to learn here. We stretch to our limits and then we find that we can stretch some more. I am stretching. The muscles are resisting at times, they hurt where the stretching can go no further. Then I must accept the pain and move on with it...........

We are in week 11 and we are waiting..............

One of my dear Peggys gave me two new books to fill my head in times like this. They are by Brian Andreas. He says many things that speak to me at this time as I create this story about transplant and my daughter who is waiting for this miracle.

I used to wait for a sign, she said,
before I did anything. Then one
night I had a dream and an angel in
black tights came to me and said,
You can start any time now and then
I asked is this a sign? and the angel
started laughing and I woke up.
Now, I think the whole world is
filled with signs, but if there's
no laughter, I know they're not
for me.

It is week 11 and I am looking for a sign but only a sign that carries laughter, no other ones are worth it........... says a mother whose daughter needs new lungs.